clutch Posts On Reboot Badge
Posts : 137 Powerlevel : 5171 Reputation : 17 Join date : 2011-02-26 Location : Washington state
| Subject: Tell me what you think Tue Mar 01, 2011 3:02 am | |
| In other local news today, a shooting took place near Ratta tat tat Everyone around the premises was struck with fear Ratta tat tat
Police surrounded the building and blocked off the street Ratta tat tat The gunman tried to fight his way into the mid-day heat Ratta tat tat
Police fired at him, and he was struck down Ratta tat tat But not before the gunman mortified the town Ratta tat tat
The gunman was a well known local to the area Ratta tat tat However another 10 people died in the hysteria Ratta tat tat
The investigation on why he did this is still under way Ratta tat tat Police reports tell us it's because no one heard what he had to say Ratta tat tat
| |
|
vazarax
Posts : 43 Powerlevel : 4918 Reputation : 9 Join date : 2011-02-26 Location : Australia
| Subject: Re: Tell me what you think Tue Mar 01, 2011 7:02 pm | |
| Rattata | |
|
Nickloves
Posts : 29 Powerlevel : 4908 Reputation : 17 Join date : 2011-02-27 Age : 31
| Subject: Re: Tell me what you think Wed Mar 02, 2011 12:14 am | |
| Interesting topic for a poem, but the rhythm to it seems off to me | |
|
clutch Posts On Reboot Badge
Posts : 137 Powerlevel : 5171 Reputation : 17 Join date : 2011-02-26 Location : Washington state
| Subject: Re: Tell me what you think Wed Mar 02, 2011 12:18 am | |
| - Nickloves wrote:
- Interesting topic for a poem, but the rhythm to it seems off to me
yeah, it was tired when i wrote it... my better stuff is when if more awake and caffeinated. | |
|
Coda Posts On Reboot Badge
Posts : 181 Powerlevel : 5212 Reputation : 13 Join date : 2011-02-26 Age : 31 Location : Manchester, UK
| Subject: Re: Tell me what you think Wed Mar 02, 2011 2:16 am | |
| The Ratta tat tat seems to short and "there for the sake of it" to be a line, so it makes the lines between them feel feel like they've just be written consequtively, and this together makes the poem seem really basic | |
|
clutch Posts On Reboot Badge
Posts : 137 Powerlevel : 5171 Reputation : 17 Join date : 2011-02-26 Location : Washington state
| Subject: Re: Tell me what you think Wed Mar 02, 2011 1:44 pm | |
| - Coda wrote:
- The Ratta tat tat seems to short and "there for the sake of it" to be a line, so it makes the lines between them feel feel like they've just be written consequtively, and this together makes the poem seem really basic
yeah, i know... It was 2 am for me when i wrote that. I was half asleep and completely out of it. I've done better, but i lost them all. The file (physical file, they were written documents) i had them in is gone. I don't know where it went.. I had backups of them too, and those have disappeared too. It frustrates me because those were the best one's i have ever composed, and now they're gone. In about a week or so when i get in the mood to write, i'll try again. | |
|
Sponsored content
| Subject: Re: Tell me what you think | |
| |
|